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• Overview
• Parent Programmes
• Children’s Programmes
• A New Zealand Response

6. Programmes

OVERVIEW

192 THE WELL-BEING OF CHILDREN of separated parents depends on the way parents manage the transition, and on a post-divorce relationship functional enough for co-operative parenting. This chapter looks at programmes offered in other countries to help families cope with the transition to divorce.

193 The personalities, skills and behaviour of parents can all adversely affect children, along with the following:

• hostile conflict;

• frequent conflict;

• poor parental communication;

• poor problem-solving skills;

• lack of co-ordination on parenting styles, and disagreement as to how the children should be raised.

194 Some jurisdictions, notably the United Kingdom and the United States, run information programmes for divorcing couples,[36] some aimed at the majority of Family Court litigants, others at litigants with specific needs.[37] Some countries also run programmes for children.

PARENT PROGRAMMES

United Kingdom

195 The UK Family Law Act 1996 aims, where possible, to support marriages and offer services to couples (with or without children) who are contemplating separation. Part II of the Children Act 1989 recommended running information sessions for parents contemplating separation. Rather than implement a nationwide programme, a study of the efficacy of such programmes was carried out in several centres, the results to determine whether Part II of the Children Act 1989 should be implemented across the country.

196 The Family Law Act 1996 specifies what information should be given, and includes the following broad topics:

• the importance of considering children’s welfare, wishes and feelings;

• how parties can better help children to cope with the breakdown of a marriage;[38]

• what parties should expect of the legal/Court process.

197 Information sessions educate parents about the effects on children of the decision to separate, and encourage them to behave in a way that minimises its potentially negative impact.[39] Sessions help children by reinforcing that the separation is not their fault, and by giving them simple information about mediation and the judicial process.

Information delivery

198 The UK trial sent information packs to parents before they attended either a one-on-one or group meeting. Packs included material about the emotional and legal aspects of separation, its potentially negative effects on children and how to minimise them, and age-appropriate materials telling children what separation is about and what it might mean for them in practical terms.[40]

Group meetings

199 The pilot project trialled a range of information delivery methods. A successful one was the group information meeting conducted by two presenters, usually a solicitor and a Family Court welfare officer.[41] Participating parents were shown a purpose-made video depicting the mediation process, and featuring children talking about their experiences of divorce.

200 This general session was followed by another chaired by relationship counsellors and solicitors talking about separation and divorce. Parents were given an opportunity to ask questions; the most commonly asked related to mediation, children’s issues and the legal process.[42]

201 Participants found information about children’s experiences interesting and relevant, but some de facto couples said information about the divorce process was irrelevant for them. The video was rated well, and the group meeting seemed a good way to educate people on the use of mediation in resolving disputes.[43]

Electronic information delivery

202 The UK trial tested information delivery by CD-ROM. Many people receiving information this way rated its efficacy lower than those who attended meetings. The problem was not that attendees were technologically illiterate, but that they felt they got more from a session where they could ask questions and get information tailored to their experiences.[44]

203 Some participants, however, said they liked being able to start and stop the CD-ROM, and absorb information at their own pace. Some commented that the information should either be available on the Internet, or people should be able to take home the CD-ROM to view in private in their own time.

204 We believe the provision of more comprehensive, web-based material would meet the needs of people, giving them the opportunity to absorb information privately, at their own pace.

Findings

205 A survey of information session participants showed positive results.[45] Most parents reported being better informed, as a result of the sessions, on child-related topics such as how divorce affects children, and how family mediation and family counselling services operate.

206 Some parents said the sessions made them more aware of the importance of dealing responsibly with divorce, and not involving children in their own dispute. Eighty per cent said the information on how children feel about separation was useful; in many cases, it encouraged parents to change their behaviour, or to co-operate for the children’s sake.

It made me realise that you have to be careful not to involve children in the blame between two parents. The information I got from the meeting was well worth listening to. It made me realise sometimes you do things and you don’t even realise you’re doing them.[46]

207 Ninety per cent of those attending the UK meetings felt they had learned something, and that the meetings positively affected how they felt, and helped change the way they looked at their situation and options. Many said the sessions gave them the strength to move forward, confident they had made the right decision. Another positive spin-off was that participants reported an increased awareness of what lawyers do, enabling them to use lawyers’ services more prudently.[47]

208 Unfortunately, the Lord Chancellor’s Department announced, just after the release of the final report, that the Government would not implement Part II of the Family Law Act 1996. There was a fundamental conflict between the Lord Chancellor’s stated aim to “save marriages”, and that of professionals involved in the trials, who saw information sessions and counselling as a way of improving relationships, whether parties stayed together or separated. Information sessions tended to confirm decisions participants had already made.

United States

209 It is impossible to generalise about the US experience; not all States have specific Family Courts, and many deal with family matters in courts of general jurisdiction.[48]

210 United States mental health professionals and counsellors developed education programmes to help parents better understand the potential effect of their conduct, and model coping strategies for engaging more constructively with one another and their children.

211 Many States, however, offer both Court-mandated and voluntary psycho-educational programmes designed to inform parents on the effect of divorce on themselves and their children. More than 1500 US counties now offer Court-affiliated educational programmes for separating parents.[49] Some States have made it mandatory for divorcing couples to attend such a programme.[50]

212 Generally speaking, programmes aim to change parents’ thinking, and to encourage them to solve their own problems rather than relying on judges to do so. Programmes are designed to build on parental strengths, rather than focus on their weaknesses.[51] The programmes’ specific goals are to:

• Increase parents’ ability to communicate.

• Help parents adjust to divorce.

• Improve parenting skills.

• Enhance parents’ knowledge of the effects of divorce on children.

• Reduce children’s exposure to conflict.

• Help parents ease children’s adjustment.

• Prevent behavioural problems in children.

• Enhance parents’ understanding of Court proceedings.

• Decrease the number of complaints to the Court.[52]

213 Education sessions aim to achieve these goals by focusing on the following topics:

• Stages of divorce, for adults.

• Parent’s reactions and adjustment to divorce.

• Children’s reactions and adjustments to divorce.

• Responding to children’s reactions to divorce.

• Co-parenting communication skills.

• Co-operative and parallel parenting.

• Parenting plans.

• Custody and visitation.

• Referrals to services and materials.[53]

214 The Court may offer these sessions directly, or community-based organisations may provide them. Below are examples of programmes that have been evaluated and found useful.

Workshop sessions

Mixed format – ACT – for the children

215 The ACT – for the Children programme consists of two three-and-a-half-hour sessions, one week apart.[54] Two professionals (psychologist, and social worker or family therapist), and a judge or lawyer facilitate the programme, which has three components:

• mental health – teaching parents about the effect of divorce on children, and telling them how to seek support for themselves or their children, if they need it;

• legal – informing parents about the legal process and alternatives to litigation;

• skill development – teaching parents strategies to avoid conflict, and avoid drawing children into parental disputes.[55]

216 The first session focuses on children’s reactions to divorce, encouraging parents to be sensitive to children’s needs. It emphasises not putting children in the centre of parental disputes, and teaches parents anger management and communication skills to help prevent disputes. Parents are encouraged to develop a “parenting partnership”, and taught the importance of structured family life and consistent parenting styles. Parents are taught to look for signs of distress in their children, and given contact details for professional help, should their children require it.

217 The second session gives participants information on the legal process, and encourages parents to develop a parenting plan, although where there has been domestic violence the programme steers parents towards parallel parenting.[56]

218 Most material is presented orally, but role-play and videos are used too. Participants are given a 68-page handbook at the first session; this reinforces session content, and includes a full list of available family resources.

219 Sixty-two per cent of those on the programme characterised their relationship with their spouse as involving a high level of conflict.[57] Ninety-nine per cent of those surveyed afterwards agreed the programme helped them understand the negative effects of parental conflict on children, how to avoid involving children, and the need to try to co-operate with their former spouse.[58] More than 90 per cent agreed they learned how to help themselves and where to seek help.[59] Ninety-eight per cent would try to use skills taught in the programme, and 95 per cent would try to implement and comply with a parenting plan to ensure their children spent time with each parent.[60] Comments made to researchers illustrate what messages parents took from the programme:

The message that we need to love our children more than we dislike our former partners.

I came with no particular expectations and leave with information that I think will change my life.

There will be two healthier children because of what we have learned here.[61]

220 Another positive aspect was that, following the programme, 87 per cent of participants said they would be likely to use alternative dispute resolution (ADR) rather than litigation to resolve their disputes.[62]

221 Maryland courts offer a programme called Making it Work for divorcing parents, to teach them communication and conflict resolution strategies over two three-hour sessions.[63] The first session deals with children’s and adult’s adjustment to divorce, and the importance of parents understanding children’s developmental needs and how they might be affected. The second session discusses parenting plans, and how to structure custody and access agreements to meet children’s needs. Participants are given a handbook reinforcing session information and techniques, and a directory of community resources.

222 Parents attending the programme report improved communication with their children and former spouse,[64] and fewer sessions with lawyers or mediators.[65] Most said that they thought the programme should be mandatory for separating parents, and would even have been happy to pay for it.

Video format sessions

223 The Children in the Middle programme is a two-hour discussion about a video that shows constructive ways of dealing with conflict. A study following parents’ progress for six months found improvement in their communication and conflict resolution.[66] Parents rated the programme highly, saying it improved their awareness of issues affecting their children. A two-year follow-up study found it highly effective in reducing re-litigation.[67]

224 In central Missouri, all divorcing parents attend the Focus on Kids programme – one two-and-a-half hour meeting structured around a video of children giving their own perspective on divorce.[68] Scenes show parents dealing with custody and access problems, and post-separation changes. The tape is stopped after each scene so participants can comment on what the parents did wrong and how they should approach the problem. The next scene shows the parents trying to resolve their conflict, and is followed by more group discussion. This video and discussion format seems to have been effective.[69]

Role-play

225 Role-play seems particularly useful in one of the programmes we examined. The PEACE[70] programme is a two-and-a-half-hour seminar chaired by mental health professionals, using a range of delivery mechanisms – lectures, role-play, videos and group discussion.

226 When interviewed four to six years after participating in the PEACE programme, many participants remember best, and comment most on, the role-play section.[71] It made them more aware of issues affecting children, and at times made them empathetic towards their former partner. Parents who attended the programme thought it worthwhile, and said they had improved their behaviour as a result.[72] Parents made the following comments:

It is hard to see things through a kid’s eyes when you are not a kid anymore, but that’s one of the advantages to the program. It sort of shows you through the kid’s eyes.

When I walked out that night (from the program) I thought boy, I really shouldn’t be doing things like that. And I didn’t do right, and it’s no wonder I upset my child.

It made me more aware of some of the things we were doing, not necessarily spiteful or on purpose to hurt one another, but things that were affecting the kids.[73]

Intensive programmes for high-conflict litigants

227 Some Courts offer, in addition to the programmes described above, more intensive education programmes for parents whose relationship is characterised by a high level of conflict, or substance abuse problems. They also offer step-parent programmes, education for parents of youth offenders, and general parent support groups.

CHILDREN’S PROGRAMMES

228 Parent programmes might, we hope, successfully encourage parents to modify their behaviour towards one another and their children. We believe, however, that it is vital to support and reassure children through this difficult transition. Up to a quarter of children whose parents divorce will show signs of behavioural and emotional problems, compared with 10 per cent of children from intact families.[74]

229 Children need to know they are not to blame for the break-up, and that even though their parents are splitting and may often seem angry or upset, they still love and care for them. They also need to know other children have been through the same thing and that it is natural to feel confused, upset or angry. Helping children identify and express what they are feeling will help them communicate and cope better with changes.[75]

230 Early 1980s US studies found intervention programmes can enhance children’s ability to cope with the rapid and drastic changes in their lives as a result of parental separation.

231 Programmes set up to meet the needs of children with divorcing parents were found to have beneficial results. Compared with children not taking part in a programme, those who did reported:

• decreased anxiety about their situation;

• increased positive feelings about themselves and their families;

• more confidence dealing with the changes within their families.[76]

232 Several US courts[77] offer programmes for children of separating parents.[78] Some courts even make it mandatory for parents to enrol children in such programmes.

233 United States programmes generally aim to:

• give children information, and encourage them to think about how they feel;

• reassure children their feelings are normal;

• help children adjust to the change in their lives, and support them through it.[79]

234 People from a wide range of backgrounds – counsellors, mental health workers, social workers, or teachers – usually present the programmes. Most presenters have at least masters-level qualifications, and some, doctorates; almost all programmes require presenters to have at least bachelor-level qualifications.

235 Programmes usually run for five-and-a-half hours, with some a single one-hour session and others a 15-hour course. Most children are either primary (elementary) or secondary (high) school level.[80]

236 Some programmes run parallel with parent education programmes. This has the advantage of solving childcare problems, as well as ensuring both parents and children get the information and support they need. Sometimes parents and children spend time together as part of the course, to practise any techniques and skills they have learned.

237 Most courses are held in the community, usually in public facilities such as court buildings, schools and churches. Parents might have to contribute to the cost of courses, but this varies between counties. Most fees are less than $50, and are often capped or reduced if more than one child from a family attends.

Success

238 Children and parents report high levels of programme satisfaction,[81] and the children attending the course adjusted well to their family changes.[82]

New Zealand

239 In New Zealand, the Skylight Foundation, Presbyterian Social Services, and Helping Understand Grief (HUG) all run courses for children dealing with loss as a result of death in the family or separation.

A NEW ZEALAND RESPONSE

Parent information sessions

240 The UK trial of information programmes shows that information on paper or in electronic form is no substitute for one-on-one (or group) information meetings. Written material can be a useful starting point, but it would be unwise to focus on it entirely. It must be borne in mind that the 1996 International Adult Literacy Survey found one-in-five New Zealanders have very poor literacy skills. Most Mäori, Pacific Islands peoples, and those from other ethnic minorities have a lower level of literacy in English than is necessary for everyday life.

241 English and American programme experience indicates the value of a general information session for all separating parents who want to resolve issues to do with caring for dependent children.

Recommendation

General information sessions should be designed and made available to all separating couples with children.

242 We focus on parents who are separating and who have dependent children because community concern about the Family Court and its services has centred almost entirely on custody and access disputes. This is not to deny that such programmes might be useful for other kinds of dispute, but given the reality of limited resources, we feel programmes would be best directed to this area.

243 Some parents might need help separating anger with their ex-partner from concern for their children. They need to put themselves in their children’s shoes to see how the way they interact with their ex-partner can affect their children. Making sure their children know what is happening is important, but does not mean drawing children into the parents’ dispute. Children often display clarity and wisdom; a Children’s Issues Centre study asked children what advice they would give separating parents, and Gabrielle, aged 14, said:

Don’t let the kid get caught in between all their problems. Don’t let the kids be the piggy in the middle. If you’re going to have a fight don’t bring the kid into it.[83]

We hope parents would take at least this one message away from parent information sessions.

244 We would like to believe that most parents want the best for their children and try to act in their children’s best interests. We see parent information sessions as having the potential to give parents information that will be useful to them and their children.

245 The Department for Courts should, with appropriate professional input, design and fund programmes for separating parents. The models outlined above are useful examples of content, format and delivery.

Recommendations

The Department for Courts should, in consultation with professionals, organisations, and community groups that support families, develop education programmes for separating parents.

Programme provision should recognise cultural diversity.

246 It must be determined which format produces the best results. Most US parent programmes were one-off, two-and-a-half-hour sessions, or two sessions a week apart. The UK sessions were often a half-hour individual meeting followed by a one-and-a-half-hour group meeting.

247 It is difficult to be sure which format promises the best results, but we have formed a tentative view. We suspect most people would find a two-and-a-half-hour session too long to concentrate (especially if fitted into a busy day). We would prefer two, one- to one-and-a-half-hour sessions a week apart. We hope the shorter session time would let people process and retain more information, and that the gap between sessions would give them time to reflect on the first session’s information.

Recommendation

Two, one- to one-and-a-half-hour information sessions should be held over two weeks.

248 We suggest that, to engage parents’ attention, the first session should outline the potentially negative effects on children of a poorly handled separation, and particularly the effect of parental hostility when children are exposed to the conflict. This session might also offer suggestions on communication techniques, although the better approach might be to give general information and suggest parents discuss communication and parenting issues at counselling, if they feel this is necessary.

249 The second session should consist of information about services available through the Court, as well as about the key people and stages in the dispute resolution process, such as counselling, mediation, issues/settlement conferences with judges and adjudication.

Whether programmes should be voluntary or mandatory

250 Some US courses were voluntary and some mandatory. Interestingly, although many parents attending a mandatory programme initially resented it, after the programme almost all said they thought it useful and that all parents should attend. The satisfaction ratings of parents attending courses was uniformly high.

251 We suggest attendance at a parent information course be compulsory for those seeking Family Court services, with discretion to waive this requirement if there is an urgent application to the Court. It may be, however, that parents are approaching the Court with a number of issues and that once the urgent matter is settled, a parent information session might be useful.

252 We do not think it appropriate to require parents to attend the session together, although they may choose to do so.

Recommendation

Information sessions should be mandatory for separating couples with children who are seeking Family Court assistance with custody and access.

Nobody should have to attend the same session as their ex-partner.

Children’s programmes

253 Children need support through family transition, yet often have only sketchy knowledge of what is going on with their parents. A UK study found 99 per cent of parents said they had told their children about the impending divorce, yet only 71 per cent of children recalled being told anything, and more than a third said they could not remember divorce being mentioned when their parents separated.[84]

254 The UK trial of parenting education sessions found that although parents were given age-specific information kits to pass on to their children, most parents surveyed did not actually do so. This omission probably stemmed from the best parental intentions, but we believe it is important that children understand what is going on.

255 Many children also understand little of the Court’s role in helping resolve family difficulties. Children interviewed in the United Kingdom about their perceptions of the Family Court answered in ways that showed many of them saw it as a place of punishment. One eight-year-old girl, whose father was going though family proceedings, said:

... that she thought she would: “have to go with him, and stand up in one of those boxes, and say who we wanted to live with and who we wanted put down as guilty”.[85]

Recommendation

Children – who are the unintentional casualties of parental separation – should have specially designed materials and programmes that provide information on the process of parental separation and family transition.

256 Children should be given basic information about what might happen, in particular about counselling (which we suggest making available to children) and the role of counsel for the child. It should be emphasised that no-one is going to ask them to choose between parents, and that Court services are there to help their family sort out their own problems.

257 Programmes can help children articulate what is happening to them and how they feel about it. They are also a good way of giving children information independently of parents. We recommend programmes be created for school-age children with separating parents.

258 Programmes for children must be developmentally appropriate; information and format suitable for teenagers would clearly be unsuitable for six- or seven-year-olds. We suggest the Department for Courts liaise with child psychologists and childhood educators to develop programmes. As mentioned above, some are already operating in New Zealand, and their content and format might be a guide in planning others.

Recommendation

We suggest the Department for Courts liaise with child psychologists and childhood educators to develop programmes for children.

Location

259 We suggest parent and children’s programmes not be held in courthouses. Holding programmes away from a judicial setting might be less intimidating, and encourage more participation. Programmes could be delivered in the community, at times and places suitable for families. Community and school facilities, libraries, Plunket rooms, and social service and voluntary sector offices could all be used.

Recommendation

Parent and children programmes should be offered in a variety of community settings.

Funding

260 The Department for Courts must make a policy decision on whether to fund the entire cost of parent and children programmes or have participants make some sort of contribution.